♔ day 27 ♔

[binarysky]

That curse the other day, with people's heads getting cut off and then just walking around like nothing happened—is that what happens here when people are destroyed? I didn't think anything was supposed to be left behind, but everything was left behind.

I don't think it's bad, but it's strange...I don't know.

[sigh]

Hey, Hanna, I found a store with a lot of ice cream flavors. I bet there's one you haven't had yet.

Comments

][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

"Don't laugh at me!" Roxas glares then, a flicker of anger struck by the match that is Sora's casual incomprehension. This isn't funny, not even a little, and in his confusion and alarm he misses any hint of what Sora's thinking.

"I saw you," he says again, his hands forming tight fists. It's a way to hold on to something, even if that something is only himself. "I never even met you, so why would I see you? Why would you be in my dreams?

Maybe this is a curse. Could it be? A curse that pulls something out of Roxas' past, out of his mind, and twists it with other things that exist in the City. Then it would be easy to brush this off when he's away and out of this confrontation.

But nothing's ever that simple. Not that this is simple.

][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

His immediate reaction is to hold up both hands, placating but because it's Sora it's more beseeching than placating which seems more reserved for an adult anyway. Despite what travels he's been through there is no getting around that Sora still acts in a way clearly indicative of his age most if not all of the time and while experience colors the way that age reflects, here he is all adolescent floundering and none of the sharper facets he has acquired along the way.

"I'm not," he insists, sobered rather instantly from a laugh that while not malicious was certainly still a laugh. "I just...when I don't know what to say...I kind of do that," and he doesn't know what to say. I'm in your head because I am you, sort of seems like the wrong way to go even if it's the truth and it occurs to Sora that it's stupid how often the truth is so confounding or upsetting that lies almost seem nicer. They aren't, ultimately. Really they'll just hurt more in the long run, but that doesn't make it any easier to figure out how to handle the truth instead.

"But I don't know, I mean...would you even believe me if I told you?" he hears himself asking, surprising himself in a way by making a fair point.

No matter what he says, he'll bet his shoes or something that Xemnas will twist it.

What's the truth to someone who's being led in the wrong direction every time?

But then again that may be all the more reason to tell him anyway. Try, try until you reach him. Maybe that's the ticket. Sora just wishes he was a little more sure of himself.

He doesn't want to hurt Roxas any more than is inevitable.

Briefly he has a pang unmistakably in his heart and it seems saturated with the feeling of an era ending, of saying goodbye, and summer.

][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

He hasn't even thought of this as a fight so far, but Sora's appeasing gesture reminds Roxas that words aren't his only weapon here; he could draw the Keyblade and force answers from the boy he seems incapable of freely offering straight ones.

Or maybe not, if it's true that he has a Keyblade, and if he's any good with it. It might have the opposite of the desired effect, because who wants to talk calmly in the middle of a battle? And something about it seems...not wrong, because he doesn't have the knowledge or the experience to give something that kind of label, but not right, either. What is the purpose of the Keyblade beyond building Kingdom Hearts to make them whole?

Is there one?

But those questions can't possibly beat out the one at the forefront of his mind. "I don't know," he says. "No one's told me the truth so far." Except Xemnas, and Demyx, and Lexaeus when he speaks at all.

"I'm not crazy," he says, quieter now, more to himself than to Sora. "I'm not. I did see you."

][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

"No, no you're not!" Sora is all too quick to insist and agree all at once, but the shaking of his head and the mildly vague waving of his arms may be somewhat confusing in the context of that adamant reply. He almost seems to be making up for what he doesn't have words for, and he seems this way because for the most part it's accurate. Or accurate enough. In the pit of his stomach there is something uncomfortable and unmoving, a stone that he didn't know was there but it would seem has been all this time. Oh he has ideas, on why the dreams and why in Roxas' head awake or asleep, but those ideas all hinge on the matter of being his Nobody, something Sora has been trying, however erroneously, to shift into different territory. Truth be known though, it's possible no gesture nor words can do the trick here and though he doesn't get to that conclusion right away, it would be hard to miss after another moment or so.

"I believe you," he says and he lowers his voice to something less childishly insistent, more resolute and clear because this he has no qualms about. The truth is the truth is the truth and sometimes things are just that simple, for which Sora is increasingly grateful. "I just..." and he trails off, teeth biting tongue as he runs circles in his head, trying to pinpoint something to say that isn't so completely wrong. And it's not that Sora has a lot of options, but how is it that all of the options manage to not sound right? There has to be at least one right thing to say...right? It's what Sora has believed all this time, at least, the only thing that's kept him saying things at all here and there, sure that if he kept trying he would run across said Right Thing. To have that eventuality swept out from beneath him makes things feel far more precarious but he is fortunate, mostly, to not be slung with that fractured thinking, which for Sora simply amounts to a general notion of unease.

"But I don't know what to tell you," he admits at last, and because this is a plainer truth too, he tries to hold eye contact as if to bolster the unveiled nature of his reply, which though a response is nothing so clear as an answer.

][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

It isn't enough. That's all Roxas can think, and at first he doesn't know why he thinks it. But it's true; he hadn't realized he needed someone to validate those crazy visions, to let him know they're real and not some delusion, but now that someone has...it isn't enough, if Sora can't tell him more.

"Fine," he says, tenser now, the words coming out short and sharp. "If you won't tell me anything...fine."

Should he really have expected more? This is the same guy who's been messing with him and lying to him since he arrived in the City. Maybe they have some kind of connection, but he shouldn't expect to get the truth out of someone like that anyway.

Turning around swiftly, he stalks away from Sora. "Then I'm leaving." He'll get his answers somewhere else.