♔ day 72 ♔

[binarysky]

[Roxas appears looking fairly apologetic]

I just want to apologize to anyone I talked to last weekend. I don't know what happened, but I wasn't...myself. It must have been a curse, but I'm not sure what kind. It was like...it was the first time I came here; I couldn't remember ever having been here before. But I didn't remember a lot more, it was like I was younger, too.

There's no way to say this without it sounding stupid, but when I 'arrived' this weekend, it was like it was back to when I was only seven days old.

Anyway. I was probably rude to people. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be.

Comments

locked private;

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

I know.

locked private;

[letxequalnull.livejournal.com]

Be patient. The answer cannot stay hidden forever.

locked private;

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

I hope not.

locked private;

[letxequalnull.livejournal.com]

All it requires is time. Nothing more.

locked private;

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

That makes it sound so simple.

locked private;

[letxequalnull.livejournal.com]

Do not let the appearance of simplicity fool you. It is anything but.

Re: locked private;

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

Yeah. If it were easy, we'd know the answer already.

locked private;

[letxequalnull.livejournal.com]

Precisely.

[notsobendy.livejournal.com]

Hey, any time. That's what friends are for, right?

➥audio➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

You weren't rude.

But--

➥audio➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

[...]

You took care of me, didn't you?

➥audio➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

We went to see the Palace.

[ not yes or no per se but more a yes.... ]

➥audio➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

I remember...some of it. It's blurry.

➥audio➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, I guess curses happen that way. I've heard that sometimes we don't remember them at all.

[ pause ]

But you weren't rude. [ repetition may be unnecessary but hey Sora wants him to be sure of at least one thing, not that Sora's opinion is uh largely important but oh well ]

➥audio; private➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I guess.

[ After some consideration, and what surely can't be the feeling of guilt, he finds the privacy options. He shouldn't be talking to Sora like this. But... ]

It isn't because of the curse. That's how I really was when I was that old.

➥audio; private➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

Oh.

...you looked...the way you do now...uh...

[ questions, questions, but how to ask them...he's not even sure what they are in specific words ]

➥audio; private➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

You know what I am. I wasn't born like normal people.

[ Join the club. ]

➥audio; private➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

Right...

Is that my f---

Should I--

Why were you apologizing though? You didn't do anything wrong.

➥audio; private➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

Because...I don't know. It's weird. I didn't want people to think I was acting that way on purpose. It's just...you don't know what it's like. It was hard to process things. Everything was so...bright and loud.

➥audio; private➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

[ he tries to imagine, but it's as Roxas must more or less gather, impossible

the state of a Nobody is something that can only be experienced, but that's not so hard for Sora to understand because that's what he believes about everyone ]

...so it was uncomfortable?

➥audio; private➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

[ Describing it would still be hard even if he were good with words, because there was no feeling that he could point to to make people understand; the absence of feeling was the most noticeable thing. ]

It was like walking through fog.

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

➥audio; private➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

I don't want to get you in trouble.

[ but he doesn't want you on Xemnas' side either, and that's what the sort of hanging end-pause there stands for, the way it sounds as though there's something else to say ]

➥audio; private➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to get in trouble. He can't hear this.

[ There's that pang, that he's going against someone he's not supposed to lie to, who's helped him...but here he is anyway. Because that's the thing, what makes all the difference; Roxas decided for himself to stay with the Organization and work to be whole. He can still decide what he wants to do and how to find his answers. ]

➥audio; private➥➥

[faroffdream.livejournal.com]

[ Sora believes that, but he also has a certain unease about Xemnas who--though defeated--has always been capable of too many things, power at his hands that sometimes crosses the usual line of 'can' and 'can't'. Tilting his head at the device, he wonders how much he can say, and worries about sending Roxas turning on his heel by saying the wrong thing. It's funny, weirdly. He's never given his words so much thought, but he's never really done this much thinking about it either. He's...never had to.

Which sounds stupid. Ignorant. Maybe. But Sora can't or doesn't think of it that way. What has been basically has been, and what is now...well it's different. Maybe some things are that simple. ]

You still don't trust me though...right?

[ That seems a crucial point, one he doesn't know how to dance around in the slightest. ]

➥audio; private➥➥

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

[ Roxas is silent for a long moment before answering. He's aware that he actually knows very little about himself, others, and what his life's become, but there are a few things he does know:

Sora was good to him. Sora looked out for him when he was in no condition to look out for himself, and nothing bad happened. Sora didn't even try to stop him when he woke up uncursed, freaked out, and opened a portal out of there immediately.

But Sora fought the Organization. He wants to stop them from becoming whole. Sora hasn't denied any of that. ]

Give me a reason to trust you.