binarysky | ♔ day 72 ♔

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♔ day 72 ♔

[Roxas appears looking fairly apologetic]

I just want to apologize to anyone I talked to last weekend. I don't know what happened, but I wasn't...myself. It must have been a curse, but I'm not sure what kind. It was like...it was the first time I came here; I couldn't remember ever having been here before. But I didn't remember a lot more, it was like I was younger, too.

There's no way to say this without it sounding stupid, but when I 'arrived' this weekend, it was like it was back to when I was only seven days old.

Anyway. I was probably rude to people. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be.

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I remember...some of it. It's blurry.

Sometimes, I guess curses happen that way. I've heard that sometimes we don't remember them at all.

[ pause ]

But you weren't rude. [ repetition may be unnecessary but hey Sora wants him to be sure of at least one thing, not that Sora's opinion is uh largely important but oh well ]

Thanks. I guess.

[ After some consideration, and what surely can't be the feeling of guilt, he finds the privacy options. He shouldn't be talking to Sora like this. But... ]

It isn't because of the curse. That's how I really was when I was that old.

Oh.

...you looked...the way you do now...uh...

[ questions, questions, but how to ask them...he's not even sure what they are in specific words ]

Yeah.

You know what I am. I wasn't born like normal people.

[ Join the club. ]

Right...

Is that my f---

Should I--

Why were you apologizing though? You didn't do anything wrong.

Because...I don't know. It's weird. I didn't want people to think I was acting that way on purpose. It's just...you don't know what it's like. It was hard to process things. Everything was so...bright and loud.

Edited 2010-10-31 02:38 (UTC)

[ he tries to imagine, but it's as Roxas must more or less gather, impossible

the state of a Nobody is something that can only be experienced, but that's not so hard for Sora to understand because that's what he believes about everyone ]

...so it was uncomfortable?

[ Describing it would still be hard even if he were good with words, because there was no feeling that he could point to to make people understand; the absence of feeling was the most noticeable thing. ]

It was like walking through fog.

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

I don't want to get you in trouble.

[ but he doesn't want you on Xemnas' side either, and that's what the sort of hanging end-pause there stands for, the way it sounds as though there's something else to say ]

I'm not going to get in trouble. He can't hear this.

[ There's that pang, that he's going against someone he's not supposed to lie to, who's helped him...but here he is anyway. Because that's the thing, what makes all the difference; Roxas decided for himself to stay with the Organization and work to be whole. He can still decide what he wants to do and how to find his answers. ]

[ Sora believes that, but he also has a certain unease about Xemnas who--though defeated--has always been capable of too many things, power at his hands that sometimes crosses the usual line of 'can' and 'can't'. Tilting his head at the device, he wonders how much he can say, and worries about sending Roxas turning on his heel by saying the wrong thing. It's funny, weirdly. He's never given his words so much thought, but he's never really done this much thinking about it either. He's...never had to.

Which sounds stupid. Ignorant. Maybe. But Sora can't or doesn't think of it that way. What has been basically has been, and what is now...well it's different. Maybe some things are that simple. ]

You still don't trust me though...right?

[ That seems a crucial point, one he doesn't know how to dance around in the slightest. ]

[ Roxas is silent for a long moment before answering. He's aware that he actually knows very little about himself, others, and what his life's become, but there are a few things he does know:

Sora was good to him. Sora looked out for him when he was in no condition to look out for himself, and nothing bad happened. Sora didn't even try to stop him when he woke up uncursed, freaked out, and opened a portal out of there immediately.

But Sora fought the Organization. He wants to stop them from becoming whole. Sora hasn't denied any of that. ]

Give me a reason to trust you.

[ Sora is not a thinker by nature, not by instinct, so every plan, every intention that requires more consideration has to have some deliberate quality to it. This is no exception and he makes some minor sound of 'okay' as he thinks it over.

What can he say that is still true but stands a chance of convincing him? ]

...

I want to understand more about you, and it's something I can't do unless...unless you let me...something I can't do without you.

I just want to understand.

[ he repeats, not quite desperate but searching, insistent ]

You...have no reason to trust me, and I guess...I guess what I think is that I can't give you one. You...have to have your own reason for trusting me or it's...not really you, right? It's just me, telling you what I think makes sense.

But if it helps, I do want to get to know you.

[ before we meet up again, before things end the way that they do -- where Roxas never really leaves but Sora never really knows him either except...through himself. ]

I still don't understand why I matter to you.

[ But he clearly does, and he's not so sure anymore that it's because he's the newest, and (they think) the weakest. Why didn't they try something when he was truly weak?

If Sora can't give Roxas a reason to trust him...maybe he never will. It's not like there's anything in it for Roxas, is there? Why should he look for a reason? Why should he want to?

And there's that other issue. ]

You have a Keyblade, too.

Edited 2010-10-31 07:15 (UTC)

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♔ day 72 ♔

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