[ooc: Viewers will see the full memory as depicted in video #1, but since I play Roxas with his English voice + dialogue in mind, both are here for reference; the memory sequence takes place from 3:47-4:24 in the second video.]
[ What was it he'd told Xion? When they have hearts, they'll be able to judge better. They'll comprehend for themselves, because they can comprehend. Like real people. ]
We'll understand later.
[ And he slips into the plural without thinking about it, because it's never just him, I, Roxas. Him and Xion and Axel against the world. That's how it's almost always been, and how it should be. ]
[ Sora's never been big into details, more of a 'whole picture' kind of guy and it's worked for him, overall. No one can say otherwise, but now he's realizing it's never that simple, even if it would be nice if it was. Some things are, but not everything. Definitely not this, this....thing he doesn't even have a word for.
Somehow it feels wrong to think of Roxas as a Nobody even though that is what he is. It's not necessarily who he is though...or so Sora must believe. Because of Axel. Because of Roxas himself who cares enough to want to 'understand'.
Sora doesn't get it. He wouldn't claim to. He can barely wrap his head around holding this conversation.
But it's important not to run, and that's something he does get...has gotten from the beginning. ]
It's not enough to know Roxas is a part of him, that they reconnect; what does that even really mean anyway? Sora's not sure he knows that either.
The first time, he didn't realize, didn't even guess how much there was to account for that was out of his sight, out of his reach.
Now that he's only starting to get an idea, it just isn't him to look the other way.
He doesn't want to upset Roxas. He wants to know him, and knowing how things turn out gives him a uniquely qualified position to decide just how important his time in this world-between-worlds is.
It may be his only chance.
What life will be like with Roxas and Sora joined, neither of them really seemed to be able to tell at the time, and Sora's just as clueless now, so he's not going to assume he'll understand any better just because. He'll do things his way still, but he'll do them with a different goal.
[ There's something about this guy that's different from Riku, even though they're supposedly friends or allies or...something. Roxas doesn't really know and hasn't bother to wonder about when there are so many other things to wrap his mind about.
But it's still there, even though this is the one he hasn't met, whose face he doesn't know. It's something he barely realizes, because if he thought about it consciously, he might not do it, but it's still there: Roxas wants to answer him.
Maybe it's something in the boy's tone of voice, a feeling, something Roxas can't ever understand, but he does know it's not angry or aggressive.
If what Xemnas said was true, and Roxas has every reason to believe it is, they can't be friends. But maybe if he can get the boy to understand the Organization isn't out to do anything but become whole people, they won't have to be enemies. ]
[ he pauses, because dicing specifics is, again, not his strong suit---but the more they talk about it, the more it feels wrong to say he's against the Organization even though he well knows he was and continues to be as long as their methods remain the same....it's just that the goal is something he can understand as far as he can tell from Roxas...
no wonder he seems like a villain, the enemy
what's it like, not to be whole?
he can honestly say he doesn't know...or at least, doesn't remember. ]
[ And his tone is more confused than anything, even though the confusion isn't any longer about the Basic of why's...it's about more than he can put into words at all ]
[ Truthfully, Roxas cannot even remember returning to the castle with Xemnas. Neither can he remember meeting Axel and having ice cream on the clock tower together that first day, so soon after getting his new name.
There's his awakening, his introduction to the Organization, and the rest is a haze of confused impressions. ]
[ It does matter, but Sora can't clearly articulate even to himself why---because if he hadn't everything would be different? Not necessarily. How does anyone know these things?
No one can see it of course, but he rests his forehead on the edge of a desk, sighing. ]
I don't know, I guess.
I'm just trying to understand.
[ And, for whatever it is worth, that is the truth. ]
[ And that hits Roxas entirely the wrong way, because he doesn't think of Sora when he hears that. He thinks of the ones left behind, the ones without whom he's still pretty lost, even with three others close by to guide him. ]
[ And maybe it's too much trying, but he can't help it. Some part of him thinks if he can show Roxas he cares at all, that that's the first step to....well, anything else.
But it's a big step when he's going up against whatever Xemnas has told the other boy, and he knows that too. ]
[ And that's all he can say. No, that's a lie, he could say more, but he doesn't know what he wants. He feels too exposed right now, the earliest memory of him at his most defenseless. What's the point of hiding and staying secret when people have seen him from his very beginning? Maybe there is none. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
➥audio➥➥
[ What was it he'd told Xion? When they have hearts, they'll be able to judge better. They'll comprehend for themselves, because they can comprehend. Like real people. ]
We'll understand later.
[ And he slips into the plural without thinking about it, because it's never just him, I, Roxas. Him and Xion and Axel against the world. That's how it's almost always been, and how it should be. ]
1/3
Somehow it feels wrong to think of Roxas as a Nobody even though that is what he is. It's not necessarily who he is though...or so Sora must believe. Because of Axel. Because of Roxas himself who cares enough to want to 'understand'.
Sora doesn't get it. He wouldn't claim to. He can barely wrap his head around holding this conversation.
But it's important not to run, and that's something he does get...has gotten from the beginning. ]
no subject
It's not enough to know Roxas is a part of him, that they reconnect; what does that even really mean anyway? Sora's not sure he knows that either.
The first time, he didn't realize, didn't even guess how much there was to account for that was out of his sight, out of his reach.
Now that he's only starting to get an idea, it just isn't him to look the other way.
He doesn't want to upset Roxas. He wants to know him, and knowing how things turn out gives him a uniquely qualified position to decide just how important his time in this world-between-worlds is.
It may be his only chance.
What life will be like with Roxas and Sora joined, neither of them really seemed to be able to tell at the time, and Sora's just as clueless now, so he's not going to assume he'll understand any better just because. He'll do things his way still, but he'll do them with a different goal.
But...it occurs to him: no wonder he attacked.
Maybe I would've too. ]
➥audio➥➥
[ Despite all his Thinking Time, THAT is what slips out...but his tone isn't accusatory or condemning....which helps. Maybe. Hopefully. ]
1/2
But it's still there, even though this is the one he hasn't met, whose face he doesn't know. It's something he barely realizes, because if he thought about it consciously, he might not do it, but it's still there: Roxas wants to answer him.
Maybe it's something in the boy's tone of voice, a feeling, something Roxas can't ever understand, but he does know it's not angry or aggressive.
If what Xemnas said was true, and Roxas has every reason to believe it is, they can't be friends. But maybe if he can get the boy to understand the Organization isn't out to do anything but become whole people, they won't have to be enemies. ]
➥audio➥➥
But I'm not like other Nobodies. [Except for Xion—] I don't remember my past—what it was like to have a heart, or—or feelings.
Xemnas doesn't have to tell me that. It's just how it is.
1/2
no wonder he seems like a villain, the enemy
what's it like, not to be whole?
he can honestly say he doesn't know...or at least, doesn't remember. ]
➥audio➥➥
[ And his tone is more confused than anything, even though the confusion isn't any longer about the Basic of why's...it's about more than he can put into words at all ]
➥audio➥➥
[ Truthfully, Roxas cannot even remember returning to the castle with Xemnas. Neither can he remember meeting Axel and having ice cream on the clock tower together that first day, so soon after getting his new name.
There's his awakening, his introduction to the Organization, and the rest is a haze of confused impressions. ]
Where else could I go?
➥audio➥➥
No one can see it of course, but he rests his forehead on the edge of a desk, sighing. ]
I don't know, I guess.
I'm just trying to understand.
[ And, for whatever it is worth, that is the truth. ]
➥audio➥➥
[ It's a stupid question, and overly simplistic to boot, but it's all Roxas can think to ask. Why does he care so much? Is this a heart thing? ]
➥audio➥➥
I'm from a different time, you know and I guess...I just...I didn't ask these questions the first time. I didn't think---Well....it's better to understand than...to not, right?
[ SUCH simple logic....but it's sort of true...um....isn't it. ]
➥audio➥➥
[ He's not sure what kind of answer he's hoping for now. ]
➥audio➥➥
I mean...it's not just enemies that bother you. [ And he's tentative here but he goes for it anyway ] ....friends do too.
➥audio➥➥
My friends aren't here. I wish they were.
➥audio➥➥
Maybe they'll show up.
You never know.
[ And maybe it's too much trying, but he can't help it. Some part of him thinks if he can show Roxas he cares at all, that that's the first step to....well, anything else.
But it's a big step when he's going up against whatever Xemnas has told the other boy, and he knows that too. ]
➥audio➥➥
[ And that's all he can say. No, that's a lie, he could say more, but he doesn't know what he wants. He feels too exposed right now, the earliest memory of him at his most defenseless. What's the point of hiding and staying secret when people have seen him from his very beginning? Maybe there is none. ]