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♔ day 27 ♔
That curse the other day, with people's heads getting cut off and then just walking around like nothing happened—is that what happens here when people are destroyed? I didn't think anything was supposed to be left behind, but everything was left behind.
I don't think it's bad, but it's strange...I don't know.
[sigh]
Hey, Hanna, I found a store with a lot of ice cream flavors. I bet there's one you haven't had yet.
I don't think it's bad, but it's strange...I don't know.
[sigh]
Hey, Hanna, I found a store with a lot of ice cream flavors. I bet there's one you haven't had yet.
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
Hi. I'm Sora. We talked before.
And I know you too.
Somehow, he knows that's not all the blond is looking for even though from his toes to the spiky tips of his hair he basically has no concrete idea on what he might be expecting to hear, or wanting for that matter.
How do you know someone and not know them at the same time?
Then again, how do you feel without a heart?
Sora still believes that's what he witnessed when Axel took the one-man show out to let him continue to the end of the journey.
What do I say?
Blue eyes and blue eyes, but differences with everything else and even they eyes aren't matching. When Sora tries to see himself in them he flounders, and when he doesn't it's jarring because he knows Roxas is at all because of him. It's, in a way, his own fault that his Nobody goes through anything and he only feels worse that he never thought of it that way before, not stopping to make common sense of it; that he just didn't know so much, not even enough to feel this bad before.
Some would call it an asset and others an annoyance that he both manages and is determined to come out of this on top, that it doesn't have to be messy the way it seems.
His ice cream, however, which has at this point dropped to the ground, is a work-in-progress against the concrete, melting blue. Sora feels confident someone will come by and eat it though, or something, which if he was anyone else might be cause for concern but Sora only thinks of it as someone else's lucky day, supposing that someone has made it a habit of eating off of the ground.
Who are you?
It's what Roxas has asked him and he hasn't answered but he realizes as he opens his mouth that the very same question applies to Roxas as well, because however late he is with it, Sora wants to know. The answer isn't 'your Nobody'. If anything, that's what Roxas is.
Who he is? That's something else, maybe entirely, or so Sora is willing to bet.
"What do you mean, you 'know' me?" he asks at last, a question for a question, peering up at the blond from the upward angle of someone pausing in a mid duck-and-weave kind of posture, watching him in such a way that it's hard to imagine him being any kind of harm probably, despite what Xemnas may have said about him.
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
Now it's about him. It can't be about anything else, because it's his head that Sora was in before Roxas ever saw his face here in the City. It's his dreams that were invaded.
What does he say? How do you talk to someone you weren't even sure was real?
He ducks his had for a moment, scrubbing at his eyes with the back of one gloved hand. He spots the dropped ice cream at their feet, and it seems like such a waste.
Then again, maybe it doesn't matter, if there are no friends to eat it with.
"I saw you," he says, looking Sora straight in the eye now, a fierce desire for answers burning in his eyes. "In Agrabah, and Wonderland, and that white place. Why did I see you? Why were you in my head?"
What does any of this mean? His temples are starting to throb.
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
Then again, he and Roxas...depending on how a person looks at it, they're the same too even if it is Sora's personal belief that there are some individual traits that can't and shouldn't be overlooked. The trouble is that as Roxas himself still seems to be figuring those out, Sora certainly hasn't got the grounds to be guessing. This doesn't wholly stop him of course, but now's not the time to be making those kinds of jabs in the dark.
This is confusing enough.
He can't help it. He laughs, nervously, rubbing the back of his head with his hand and glancing around as if he's expecting someone to show up and explain all of this for him. Really, he isn't, but it's probably hard to tell as much.
"Uh, you did?" his voice is a little higher than usual so he coughs, clears his throat. "I've been there," he continues, unhelpfully, trying to answer that question...by not answering it and wondering how obvious it is.
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
"I saw you," he says again, his hands forming tight fists. It's a way to hold on to something, even if that something is only himself. "I never even met you, so why would I see you? Why would you be in my dreams?
Maybe this is a curse. Could it be? A curse that pulls something out of Roxas' past, out of his mind, and twists it with other things that exist in the City. Then it would be easy to brush this off when he's away and out of this confrontation.
But nothing's ever that simple. Not that this is simple.
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
"I'm not," he insists, sobered rather instantly from a laugh that while not malicious was certainly still a laugh. "I just...when I don't know what to say...I kind of do that," and he doesn't know what to say. I'm in your head because I am you, sort of seems like the wrong way to go even if it's the truth and it occurs to Sora that it's stupid how often the truth is so confounding or upsetting that lies almost seem nicer. They aren't, ultimately. Really they'll just hurt more in the long run, but that doesn't make it any easier to figure out how to handle the truth instead.
"But I don't know, I mean...would you even believe me if I told you?" he hears himself asking, surprising himself in a way by making a fair point.
No matter what he says, he'll bet his shoes or something that Xemnas will twist it.
What's the truth to someone who's being led in the wrong direction every time?
But then again that may be all the more reason to tell him anyway. Try, try until you reach him. Maybe that's the ticket. Sora just wishes he was a little more sure of himself.
He doesn't want to hurt Roxas any more than is inevitable.
Briefly he has a pang unmistakably in his heart and it seems saturated with the feeling of an era ending, of saying goodbye, and summer.
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
Or maybe not, if it's true that he has a Keyblade, and if he's any good with it. It might have the opposite of the desired effect, because who wants to talk calmly in the middle of a battle? And something about it seems...not wrong, because he doesn't have the knowledge or the experience to give something that kind of label, but not right, either. What is the purpose of the Keyblade beyond building Kingdom Hearts to make them whole?
Is there one?
But those questions can't possibly beat out the one at the forefront of his mind. "I don't know," he says. "No one's told me the truth so far." Except Xemnas, and Demyx, and Lexaeus when he speaks at all.
"I'm not crazy," he says, quieter now, more to himself than to Sora. "I'm not. I did see you."
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
"I believe you," he says and he lowers his voice to something less childishly insistent, more resolute and clear because this he has no qualms about. The truth is the truth is the truth and sometimes things are just that simple, for which Sora is increasingly grateful. "I just..." and he trails off, teeth biting tongue as he runs circles in his head, trying to pinpoint something to say that isn't so completely wrong. And it's not that Sora has a lot of options, but how is it that all of the options manage to not sound right? There has to be at least one right thing to say...right? It's what Sora has believed all this time, at least, the only thing that's kept him saying things at all here and there, sure that if he kept trying he would run across said Right Thing. To have that eventuality swept out from beneath him makes things feel far more precarious but he is fortunate, mostly, to not be slung with that fractured thinking, which for Sora simply amounts to a general notion of unease.
"But I don't know what to tell you," he admits at last, and because this is a plainer truth too, he tries to hold eye contact as if to bolster the unveiled nature of his reply, which though a response is nothing so clear as an answer.
][ all I waited for was a chance to make you understand
"Fine," he says, tenser now, the words coming out short and sharp. "If you won't tell me anything...fine."
Should he really have expected more? This is the same guy who's been messing with him and lying to him since he arrived in the City. Maybe they have some kind of connection, but he shouldn't expect to get the truth out of someone like that anyway.
Turning around swiftly, he stalks away from Sora. "Then I'm leaving." He'll get his answers somewhere else.