[ooc: Viewers will see the full memory as depicted in video #1, but since I play Roxas with his English voice + dialogue in mind, both are here for reference; the memory sequence takes place from 3:47-4:24 in the second video.]
[ As with Riku, Roxas knows he should shove off this unwanted commentary from unwelcome people, but he doesn't have the energy. He doesn't look back and remember feeling sad or confused or any of those feelings he doesn't fully understand.
He was born as a Nobody not realizing what he was, but at that moment, Xemnas had not needed to tell him he could not feel. He'd known. There had been nothing else to know but the overwhelming emptiness. ]
I wish I had something....you know---useful to tell you.
[ pause, because he knows Roxas reportedly isn't interested in anything he or Riku has to say anyway but that's not really what would stop Sora from trying to say something if he had anything worth saying ]
I'm sorry? But...I had to---
Riku probably knows more about it though.
[ and in the same vein as Riku's offer himself, Sora points out that likelihood, not thinking it might just be annoying to have another Maybe shoved in one's face ]
[ That's...Roxas doesn't know how he should answer that question, if he even can, and thinking about the answer distracts him from the matter of who's asking it.
It's almost a silly question, isn't it? Because Nobodies...they barely exist. Is there really a will be when there's not an is? ]
[ What was it he'd told Xion? When they have hearts, they'll be able to judge better. They'll comprehend for themselves, because they can comprehend. Like real people. ]
We'll understand later.
[ And he slips into the plural without thinking about it, because it's never just him, I, Roxas. Him and Xion and Axel against the world. That's how it's almost always been, and how it should be. ]
[ Sora's never been big into details, more of a 'whole picture' kind of guy and it's worked for him, overall. No one can say otherwise, but now he's realizing it's never that simple, even if it would be nice if it was. Some things are, but not everything. Definitely not this, this....thing he doesn't even have a word for.
Somehow it feels wrong to think of Roxas as a Nobody even though that is what he is. It's not necessarily who he is though...or so Sora must believe. Because of Axel. Because of Roxas himself who cares enough to want to 'understand'.
Sora doesn't get it. He wouldn't claim to. He can barely wrap his head around holding this conversation.
But it's important not to run, and that's something he does get...has gotten from the beginning. ]
It's not enough to know Roxas is a part of him, that they reconnect; what does that even really mean anyway? Sora's not sure he knows that either.
The first time, he didn't realize, didn't even guess how much there was to account for that was out of his sight, out of his reach.
Now that he's only starting to get an idea, it just isn't him to look the other way.
He doesn't want to upset Roxas. He wants to know him, and knowing how things turn out gives him a uniquely qualified position to decide just how important his time in this world-between-worlds is.
It may be his only chance.
What life will be like with Roxas and Sora joined, neither of them really seemed to be able to tell at the time, and Sora's just as clueless now, so he's not going to assume he'll understand any better just because. He'll do things his way still, but he'll do them with a different goal.
[ There's something about this guy that's different from Riku, even though they're supposedly friends or allies or...something. Roxas doesn't really know and hasn't bother to wonder about when there are so many other things to wrap his mind about.
But it's still there, even though this is the one he hasn't met, whose face he doesn't know. It's something he barely realizes, because if he thought about it consciously, he might not do it, but it's still there: Roxas wants to answer him.
Maybe it's something in the boy's tone of voice, a feeling, something Roxas can't ever understand, but he does know it's not angry or aggressive.
If what Xemnas said was true, and Roxas has every reason to believe it is, they can't be friends. But maybe if he can get the boy to understand the Organization isn't out to do anything but become whole people, they won't have to be enemies. ]
[ he pauses, because dicing specifics is, again, not his strong suit---but the more they talk about it, the more it feels wrong to say he's against the Organization even though he well knows he was and continues to be as long as their methods remain the same....it's just that the goal is something he can understand as far as he can tell from Roxas...
no wonder he seems like a villain, the enemy
what's it like, not to be whole?
he can honestly say he doesn't know...or at least, doesn't remember. ]
[ And his tone is more confused than anything, even though the confusion isn't any longer about the Basic of why's...it's about more than he can put into words at all ]
[ Truthfully, Roxas cannot even remember returning to the castle with Xemnas. Neither can he remember meeting Axel and having ice cream on the clock tower together that first day, so soon after getting his new name.
There's his awakening, his introduction to the Organization, and the rest is a haze of confused impressions. ]
[ It does matter, but Sora can't clearly articulate even to himself why---because if he hadn't everything would be different? Not necessarily. How does anyone know these things?
No one can see it of course, but he rests his forehead on the edge of a desk, sighing. ]
I don't know, I guess.
I'm just trying to understand.
[ And, for whatever it is worth, that is the truth. ]
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Didthat---doyouremem---
...what were you looking for?
1/2
He was born as a Nobody not realizing what he was, but at that moment, Xemnas had not needed to tell him he could not feel. He'd known. There had been nothing else to know but the overwhelming emptiness. ]
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I don't remember anything before that.
[ Because I think that's when I was born. ]
1/2
So that's...
Maybe that's when...
...
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[ pause, because he knows Roxas reportedly isn't interested in anything he or Riku has to say anyway but that's not really what would stop Sora from trying to say something if he had anything worth saying ]
I'm sorry? But...I had to---Riku probably knows more about it though.
[ and in the same vein as Riku's offer himself, Sora points out that likelihood, not thinking it might just be annoying to have another Maybe shoved in one's face ]
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Not like I am now.
1/3 ....i think
I guess not...
Except that------we're a part of each other....aren't we?
It can't just work the one way...
It wouldn't make sense.
no subject
But what am I even thinking?
Why didn't I think about it before!?
3/4 [apparently fails at predicting how many she will need]
No, but....this isn't how--
Even if I told you that though, I couldn't tell you how it....what happened along the way....
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Is it what you want?1/3
It's almost a silly question, isn't it? Because Nobodies...they barely exist. Is there really a will be when there's not an is? ]
no subject
Will he be Somebody instead of Nobody? He wants to, it's what he's fighting for, but can he even say he knows what that means?
Not really. Even now he's working on blind faith. ]
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[ What was it he'd told Xion? When they have hearts, they'll be able to judge better. They'll comprehend for themselves, because they can comprehend. Like real people. ]
We'll understand later.
[ And he slips into the plural without thinking about it, because it's never just him, I, Roxas. Him and Xion and Axel against the world. That's how it's almost always been, and how it should be. ]
1/3
Somehow it feels wrong to think of Roxas as a Nobody even though that is what he is. It's not necessarily who he is though...or so Sora must believe. Because of Axel. Because of Roxas himself who cares enough to want to 'understand'.
Sora doesn't get it. He wouldn't claim to. He can barely wrap his head around holding this conversation.
But it's important not to run, and that's something he does get...has gotten from the beginning. ]
no subject
It's not enough to know Roxas is a part of him, that they reconnect; what does that even really mean anyway? Sora's not sure he knows that either.
The first time, he didn't realize, didn't even guess how much there was to account for that was out of his sight, out of his reach.
Now that he's only starting to get an idea, it just isn't him to look the other way.
He doesn't want to upset Roxas. He wants to know him, and knowing how things turn out gives him a uniquely qualified position to decide just how important his time in this world-between-worlds is.
It may be his only chance.
What life will be like with Roxas and Sora joined, neither of them really seemed to be able to tell at the time, and Sora's just as clueless now, so he's not going to assume he'll understand any better just because. He'll do things his way still, but he'll do them with a different goal.
But...it occurs to him: no wonder he attacked.
Maybe I would've too. ]
➥audio➥➥
[ Despite all his Thinking Time, THAT is what slips out...but his tone isn't accusatory or condemning....which helps. Maybe. Hopefully. ]
1/2
But it's still there, even though this is the one he hasn't met, whose face he doesn't know. It's something he barely realizes, because if he thought about it consciously, he might not do it, but it's still there: Roxas wants to answer him.
Maybe it's something in the boy's tone of voice, a feeling, something Roxas can't ever understand, but he does know it's not angry or aggressive.
If what Xemnas said was true, and Roxas has every reason to believe it is, they can't be friends. But maybe if he can get the boy to understand the Organization isn't out to do anything but become whole people, they won't have to be enemies. ]
➥audio➥➥
But I'm not like other Nobodies. [Except for Xion—] I don't remember my past—what it was like to have a heart, or—or feelings.
Xemnas doesn't have to tell me that. It's just how it is.
1/2
no wonder he seems like a villain, the enemy
what's it like, not to be whole?
he can honestly say he doesn't know...or at least, doesn't remember. ]
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[ And his tone is more confused than anything, even though the confusion isn't any longer about the Basic of why's...it's about more than he can put into words at all ]
➥audio➥➥
[ Truthfully, Roxas cannot even remember returning to the castle with Xemnas. Neither can he remember meeting Axel and having ice cream on the clock tower together that first day, so soon after getting his new name.
There's his awakening, his introduction to the Organization, and the rest is a haze of confused impressions. ]
Where else could I go?
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No one can see it of course, but he rests his forehead on the edge of a desk, sighing. ]
I don't know, I guess.
I'm just trying to understand.
[ And, for whatever it is worth, that is the truth. ]
➥audio➥➥
[ It's a stupid question, and overly simplistic to boot, but it's all Roxas can think to ask. Why does he care so much? Is this a heart thing? ]
➥audio➥➥
I'm from a different time, you know and I guess...I just...I didn't ask these questions the first time. I didn't think---Well....it's better to understand than...to not, right?
[ SUCH simple logic....but it's sort of true...um....isn't it. ]
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[ He's not sure what kind of answer he's hoping for now. ]
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