binarysky | 2.4; audio

[ The first sound is an explosion, a large one; in reality, it's the ignition of a Firaga spell, but for the two boys reliving this memory, it's a self-immolating attack, one that should come from the heart.]

You're...fading away...

[It's Roxas' voice saying the words, but at this moment, he sounds very much like Sora.]

Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. You know what I mean? Not that Nobodies actually HAVE beings...right? Anyway, I digress. Go, find Kairi. Oh, almost forgot... Sorry for what I did to her.

[And this is Sora, a mix of self-deprecating humor and regret evident in his tone.]

When we find her, you can tell her that yourself.

[Stubborn and certain.]

Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one.

Axel, what were you trying to do?

[There's sadness on both ends now, but a mutual acceptance as well. The end is near, but not without purpose.]

I wanted to see Roxas. He was the only one I liked. He made me feel...like I had a heart. It's kind of funny... You make me feel the same.

[And then there's only silence. Neither boy moves.]

[ooc: this scene, with Roxas as Sora and Sora as Axel, a follow-up to this post.]

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[ Sora doesn't excavate the silence like he might normally, has in his time in the City learned more about the art of being Quiet than he honestly ever was able to at any other time or location. It's partially that the situations he found himself in were never much call for learning the perks of Not Talking, but it's also that he thinks the people he was involved with needed conversation more than the opposite. In this case he thinks it's a bit of both and he gives Roxas' shoulder a slight squeeze again as they walk, thoughtful but keeping it to himself for the time being.

When Roxas does speak again, Sora doesn't quite wince but it's a near thing. His own heart might threaten to jump into his throat, but he swallows down the feeling as much as the idea and inclines his head a little. Sora has never had the misfortune of feeling that, but he knows how he felt when he thought he had lost Riku, and worse that Riku felt - however darkly influenced - that Sora had, in a sense, betrayed him whether he meant to or not. He is sure he can count as many feelings that are as bad on one hand, for which he's glad, but it leaves him a little ill feeling all the same, just the memory, long ago as it is now - or so it seems.

He thinks about Roxas, having to go it alone and genuinely believing he hadn't anyone else. Unconsciously, he leans in closer, and the way they're walking arms over shoulders, they could be brothers or best friends but the truth is it's not that simple. They turn down another street, but even with all the people about Sora hardly notices them. ] Did you think...did you think Axel'd been lying to you about...being friends too? [ His voice is quiet, not wanting to be insulting, but it feels like the kind of thing they should talk about rather than just telling him how sorry he is. Because he is sorry but that doesn't help anyone really. Maybe talking about what happened, though it won't change anything, can help in other tiny ways. He's not sure, but he's sure willing to find out. ]

I think I did. Or I didn't really know. He was the one who said we were best friends first, but best friends tell each other the truth, don't they?

[ He sighs, his hand pressing perceptibly tighter against Sora's back. He isn't Axel and this isn't a substitute friendship, but a best friendship of sorts...yeah. In a different way. ]

Nobodies aren't supposed to feel anything, so maybe he just didn't feel guilty. But they're not supposed to care, either.

[ He can still sense Axel's desperation upon locating him in the false Twilight Town. The worry and the pain and the anger had all spoken more clearly than the words Roxas hadn't understood at the time. He can't believe that there was no emotion behind them. Won't believe. ]

Now I think he was just afraid of losing me.

[ When Sora thinks about losing people he thinks about searching for Kairi and Riku and he thinks about watching Riku disappear behind the impossible door, telling Sora to take care of Kairi and Sora wanting to tell him that wasn't how this was supposed to work. He thinks about goodbyes and he thinks about people who don't even get the chance for goodbye; he thinks about Axel and not just because he's with Roxas, but because Axel left a specific impression on Sora was well, individual.

As they walk he keeps the blond close in the crook of his arm about his shoulders, as well as the measure of his step, everything syncing even though he's not trying for that especially - only to stay together. ]

I think...friends should tell each other as much as they can. I mean...I used to think that was everything. But then I started to realize what if there's something I could protect someone from, you know? Or if I thought I could. [ He trails off a little quietly, not sheepish so much as unsure because he knows that there's a lot of room for error there, but everything seems to have that. Sora wants his friends safe and he wants them to have happiness and to know that they are loved and appreciated. Sora wants what in Sora's head all friends want for each other, but what Axel ended up wanting for Roxas - and by proxy Sora too - was singular and striking with it: a chance in the end not just to know who he was but understand and maybe find closure with it, a gift he couldn't really get from anyone but himself - and Sora, who is technically a part of himself anyway, and vice-versa.

He inhales slowly, cheeks puffing out somewhat comedic and making him look younger before he lets it go, steering the both of them clear of a gaggle of other people. ] But I think you're right...that he was afraid I mean.

And I know he cared about you.

[ Sora isn't sure if Roxas is questioning that or not but he figures it might help to hear from someone else, even if that person is still just Sora. ]

He seemed to feel a lot. Not just for someone who's not supposed to, but for anyone. I couldn't always tell what it was but I knew they were real - the feelings.

I cared about him too.

[ It's easy to admit, and more than obvious. But sometimes it's better to say things aloud. ]

If I could go back, there are a lot of things I'd do differently. I wouldn't just leave him like I did; I wouldn't leave without him, either. If we'd both made a stand...

[ He sighs, and turns to look at Sora. ]

But I suppose things didn't turn out so badly in the end.

[ For a second Sora doesn't move, just stares back at Roxas, not looking for anything of himself there but something of Axel and whatever else of Roxas' personal history. How he cared, and the what-ifs, even though the last thing he says is true also. But could they have turned out better? He figures they both wonder - even if Sora did not always, and really even when he wonders on it now he thinks he started considering it way too late. But that doesn't stop him thinking about it now either. He tilts his head. ]

What do you think would've happened - I mean, if you both...I dunno, refused to do what they told you or...do you think any of the others would've been on your side too?

I think...they probably would have tried to force us. Or fight us. Or turn us into Dusks—Axel, at least. Maybe I would have been worth too much. I don't know.

I like to think we could have escaped, but I'm not sure things would have turned out much different than they did.

[So much uncertainty. But in the end, he can't bring himself to blame Axel. There was every reason to fear what the Organization would have done—and did try—to do to both of them.]

[ As they continue walking, they eventually come up on Xanadu, and while they could have used one of Roxas' portals, the truth is Sora thinks it's better right now to walk like this, no short-cuts. Nudging his shoulder against the blond's, it's not a jovial movement as much as it is a reminder that he's there at all, that he's listening, that this is important to him too - not for himself, but because of Roxas as his own person even if Sora has to admit he doesn't understand what that means entirely even now.

It's a work in progress. ]

I...I don't know if this makes much sense, but I think it's good you believe you could've escaped, or that you want to think that. It means you wanted to lead your own path even if it seemed...

[ Sora dislikes the word 'impossible' because most often he's found it's not true, that things happen when you least expect them, in the ways and by who you least expect. Impossible is just a word. But it's the one that hangs in the silence anyway and he gets the feeling they both know it. ]

I think I always did. I just didn't know where it was, or where it led.

[He's dimly aware of their surroundings, but it's like he and Sora are the only truly real things in this world. He's keenly aware of Sora's presence, his support, the way he listens closely to everything Roxas says.]

Once upon a time, I really did think I was in the right place, with them.

Edited 2012-01-02 03:29 (UTC)

2.4; audio

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